Fresh.

Sometimes things get a chance to start anew. That doesn't mean the past has disappeared, but it means that the present can be something positive and fresh. I'm comfortable with my situation, and I'm actually quite happy with everything that is happening in my life right now. Oh, and my birthday is on Friday. -21-

PARTY!

Winter Love

My favortite days of winter are the rarest days in the world. It's those days where we already have a nice blanket of snow on the ground, maybe 6" or even a foot, but the sun is shining as if it were July. Even though it is bright on these days, it's still cold, very cold...frigid. There are still clouds in the sky that are sprinkling the ground with those nickel-sized, perfect snowflakes. There is no harsh wind on a day like that, just the brisk air, white snow, and trickling flakes that are in no hurry to reach the earth's surface. Maybe it's because I'm a winter baby, but I live and I love for those days. Sometimes I think that is what love feels like to me. The perfect winter day. It's easy to find the perfect summer, spring, or fall day. But, a PERFECT winter day is not easy to come by. You never know when a day like that is going to happen. The weather man can't tell you, and you can't wake up knowing. You just have to walk outside and feel it. You have to look up and feel those flakes land slowly on your cheeks. When you do, then you'll know. Just like love.

Everyone, including myself, complains about winter. It's such a struggle. You get excited for the snow, for the sledding, for the snowball fights...but then, you realize it's cold, and then you hate the snow and the freezing rain, and everything else that comes with Indiana winters. You are ready for Spring before January even begins. I have been a ball of complaints about this cold weather for the last week or so, but I'm going to stop now. I'm going to start hoping for a perfect winter day. Maybe I won't get to see one this year. They are more likely to happen up north instead of down here where we don't get as much snow, but maybe I'll get something close while I'm here. Maybe I will see a Bloomington version of my perfect winter day. I'm going to keep filling my heart with joy and hope because that is the kind of person I want to be. Not that I want to be /Miss Annoyingly Happy All The Time/, but I want to go through life knowing love is out there, just like those perfect winter days. You can't go out there expecting it will happen today or find you tomorrow, but have faith that it will someday.

Good Day,

m.m.a.

Some Food for Thought

Today was the first day that I cooked an actual meal in a very long time. I almost forgot how much I love to cook. While I was preparing my food, I thought about how so many things in our lives must be carefully calibrated, just like the way we cook a meal. Some things can't be rushed. You can't just turn up the heat and give in to your extreme hunger so that the meat will cook faster, the outside will get burned and the center will be left raw. Your meal will be ruined before you realize your mistake. Then you will be left unfulfilled and probably hungrier than before. Food, like many aspects and other things in our lives, is very delicate. Preparing it takes time, patience, and care. If you want the end result to be satisfying then you have to take the necessary steps to make sure it gets there.

Lots of things in life tempt us to just rush in and turn up that heat, but we forget how easy it is to get burned. All we think about at the time is how hungry we are. It's a great thing to be able to have a certain patience, because I think people that have patience are people that show a lot of strength. That is the kind of person I want to be. I want to live my life with a lot more strengths than weaknesses.
I'm working on it.

Good Evening,

m.m.a.

Normal-a sliding scale.

It has been way too long since I have posted anything on here, so here it goes. I don't think my lack of blogging has been due to lack of subjects, it think it's because I have too many to choose from. First, let's start out by announcing that it is 4:07am and I am awake. I'm not just awake, I'm WIDE awake. This is what break does to people, it messes schedules up, and bad. I stay up late, and then hate myself for sleeping late the next day, what a waste of daylight. I wish I was one of those people who could just run on nothing. You know? Those people who just never seem to need sleep or a nap or to rest at all. They just GO...all the time. I'm not one of those people. I love to sleep. I feel sleep is the ultimate form of relaxation, rejuvination, and many other "re" words. Come next week when classes start, and I have to change this schedule my body has been on completely, it's not going to be pretty for a few days. I'll be cranky and tired all day, many naps will surely be taken. But, a new schedule will soon form, and things will feel "normal" once again.

That brings me to my next subject. This concept of normalcy, what does that mean for me? The word normal is one that is talked about and studied inside and outside of classrooms today. What does it mean to you? To society? How does it relate to other societies? When I think about the word right now, I think only about what it means to me. What is normal-feeling to Marisa? I ask myself this question becuase I don't think I've felt very normal (for how it pertains to me) in a pretty long time. As things keep changing and twisitng in my life, it slightly shifts that hint of normality I may have felt. A conversation happens and it changes things, there's another shift. I'm constatntly on this push and pull with my own life. I think this is part of becomming an adult. You have to learn to find this balance when things change. I've learned that the only way to find this balance every day, or when things shift and change, is to simply tell yourself that you are in control of your life. You have to know where YOU are in your own life. Once you know that, you can better handle curve balls that life throws at you.

I've learned that my life is ever-changing, there will never be a moment where it will just stand still. Who wants that, anyway? I want to keep growing and learning and sharing and playing.

The title of this blog is "Growth" for a reason. I have to keep moving forward with my life, whatever that means. I have to be in a position where I feel comfortable, where I don't feel pain and regret. I have to make sure that I am putting myself in that position every day. I am in control of where I am in my own life, and so are you.

good morning,

m.m.a.