Being True

Today, I find myself in a state a reflection. I suppose that's a state I should be in often, everyone should reflect on what's happening in their lives. But, I just think about what's going on in my life (and what isn't) and I'm trying to conclude some things. I'm trying to learn. The sad thing is, I think what I'm "learning" is something I knew all along. When you're involved in a sticky situation, it's not about making everyone "happy", that's crazy. When is that ever going to happen? It's about, at the end of the day feeling like you're a good person without having to justify all of your actions. When you stop caring about hurting people, then you stop caring about being decent. If you feel that you have the right to be selfish, which I believe that people do at one time or another, but are you ask yourself what it's costing you? Are you losing respect? Are you losing friends? Are you making mature and wise choices? Where is your future in all of this? It's complications like these that I don't need in my life. I think all along I knew it wasn't good enough but I was willing to wait for it to get there, and I finally said it out loud. Would it have ever gotten there? We will never know...

I am done making excuses. I am done making efforts. Things are clear and can never be changed. It's time to cut my losses, whatever those may be, and push forward.

A new beginning? Yes. Will I go to bed every night feeling good about myself? Yes. I have done no harm to anyone, and I know I am a good person. I have a heart full of love, I always have, and I always will. Hate will not grow inside of me, because that is not who I have ever been. But, like I said, I believe everyone has a right to be selfish at one time or another, and my time is now. I will be selfish in this way: By telling myself that I deserve the best. I deserve everything that I put into a relationship returned to me. And one day I know I will find that.

I leave you with some song lyrics that are dear to me from the Broadway musical Aida:

"We all lead such elaborate lives //We don't know whose words are true //Strangers, lovers, husbands, wives //Hard to know who's loving who //Too many choices tear us apart //I don't want to live like that //Too many choices tear us apart //I don't want to love like that.."


I'm Growing, and people who don't care about me, are going to be left behind. End of story.

Good Evening,

m.m.a.

P.S. Chuck Bass helped with the construction of this message.